Who Reveals The Way You Are

Hey team, all right, so here we go. Wednesday Workshop. I love these times with you guys. And I hope you’re enjoying this too. I hope you learn something through these few minutes that I share with you. Tthings that are on my heart, things that I’m learning, things that I’m growing in.

I saw this quote just the other day, and it prompted me to not only copy and paste it into my feed or whatever, but it also prompted me to print it out and hold on to it. I wanted to share with you what I read. It says: “Your spouse does not cause you to be the way you are. Your spouse reveals the way you are.”

That just hit me. I’ve been married now just about 32 years, and the fact of the matter is that Karen doesn’t make me the way I am. She reveals who I am. That means there are things I’ve had to change in my life to become a better me, a better representation of what a husband and a father should be.

I think that not just for those of you that are married, but in the same way, it can be very similar because we spend an equal amount of time sometimes with co-workers. So I want you to think about this for a second: your boss, your supervisor, your lead, your co-worker, your dispatcher, your other teammates—they don’t make you the way you are. How you respond to them is a representation of who you are inside.

So what about you needs to change? That’s what I love about this quote. It focuses on the inside of me. It reveals who I am. In your really tough moments in life and what you’re going through, sometimes the relationships, the disagreements, and the factors that are going on reveal who you truly are.

That relationship and those disagreements that you might have—and again, I’ve been married 32 years, so to say that Karen and I have not had a few disagreements—did you guys want to know how naive I used to be? I remember sitting down and telling another couple, “Karen and I have never argued. We’re never going to argue. We’re going to have a perfect marriage.” Oh boy, was I wrong. But I’ve learned, and I’ve grown.

The other important thing I want you to hear, and this is really important, so let’s get real close—I want you to hear me. I’m going to say it just very, very succinctly.

Those of you that interact with Karen and she is such a blessing in your life—well, that’s because of me. I’ve revealed and brought out in her all that awesomeness. For those of you that have had tough times with Karen and she’s rubbing you raw—that’s your fault. Just joking, just joking. But I thought I would just kind of get you there for a second.

If Karen’s having a bad day, it’s probably my fault. That’s just reality. But I want you guys to hear what I’m saying. Whether it be your spouse or your coworker or whatever, they reveal who you are really deep inside. It brings out what’s stirring inside of you.

If you’re focused on changing and being a better person and working on the things that you need to work on—maybe it’s anger, bitterness, resentment, financial troubles, whatever it is—some of us get to a place in life, and I know I’ve been there, where we go, “Wow, I’m X years old and I have not accomplished what I want to accomplish. I don’t think I’ve reached the purpose and place in my life that I want to be.” And you start getting down. Well, then the relationships you have around also reveal that. Because you’re down, you have contention. You have something that rubs raw because you’re not feeling like you’ve accomplished something.

So whatever that is in your life and whoever those relationships are in your life that are revealing what is happening inside of you—one of the best things we can do is stop blaming others and start focusing on what we can change, what we can do. Because what’s being revealed and what’s coming out of us sometimes is not what we want.

Sometimes we see the things that are coming out of us, and I don’t know about you, but I have had many times where I’ve sat down with my boys, and I’ve just been in the right moment, the right frame of mind, and I’ve dropped such words of wisdom when they’re having a bad day. And sometimes, it’s not even giving words. Sometimes, it’s just giving a hug, just being there and holding them.

Sometimes, even for Karen, the same thing—just holding her and not saying a word—can be the thing. And sometimes listening, especially for us guys, which is the hardest thing for us to do. And especially if you’re a high D personality like me—I only have like eight minutes of focus under most circumstances. So it’s a little harder sometimes for me, but when I do it, oh man, it’s amazing what comes out the other side. Because I’ve done something right to bless the life of another person that’s close to me, that blesses my life. And I find blessing in that many times from me being able to operate in the right way in those moments.

So if you’re having times where you think that somebody else is causing you to be the way you are—if somebody says, “You’re being a butthole,” or “You’re being mean,” or “You’re being a horrible person”—and you’re saying, “Well, you caused me to be that way,” maybe they’re just revealing what’s deep inside of you. And that’s something for you to process and think about.

So, this week, let’s do that. And moving into next month, Cinco de Mayo is coming up, so don’t forget. We’re just a few days away, so make sure Cinco de Mayo you’re here at the office. I’ve got some shredded chicken for you. Oh yeah. I’ve got some beef with some bacon mixed in and some black beans. Oh boy, it’s going to be awesome.

Anyway, don’t want to get caught up in CO deo, but it’s going to be off the chain. Pinatas. It’s going to be great. Bring your kids. Maybe a little Nerf gun fight. I don’t know. I got like 38 Nerf guns, so maybe we’ll have just a little Nerf gun fight too.

All right. God bless you guys. Have a wonderful week. And remember:

Let’s be valuable. Nothing less will do.